Obedience

Who is the Spirit? Do we really know? A few months ago I would have said some Sunday School answer like, "The part of the trinity that helps us make the right decisions". Something vague and probably something that certainly didn't do him justice. But this spring our youth group started a series on the Spirit by Francis Chan which has made me feel his presence a lot more - which I've found both annoying but truly satisfying. It's almost like when you're a kid and you know you're parents are watching you, expecting you to say something kind, and you're just in agony because you want to the right thing but it's just... hard. Last week, I was with some friends when one said something kind of rude although it was still a joke. I didn't really feel irritated but somehow returned the comment with a offensive joke of my own. Right after I said it I realized what a stupid thing it was to say. It wasn't funny at all and it was sort of the joke that, although not meant to be serious, could still hurt. So I sat there with my friends for an hour or so miserably feeling like a jerk. When we were wrapping up, I felt like I should apologize. The difference between Christians and non-Christians is not in their sin but their response to their sin. I had acknowledged my sin but I had to confront it. I had to ask for forgiveness. A few months ago I wouldn't have recognized this as the Spirit. But by this point I knew it was his tugging on me. I'm not sure why the thought of apologizing seemed so awful but I really didn't want to do it. I suppose I just thought it would be really uncomfortable. Somehow the 'perfect moment' didn't just show up so I went on my way. For the next full hour I don't remember saying a single thing. I was engulfed in sin, drowning in my own evil. I wrote on a paper, Feels worse than people say when you screw up. Really feeling my sin right now. It was a wretched feeling. I just felt like crap. I saw my friend later in the day and the moment was perfect. She was all alone and in the easiest position to approach. I wasn't looking forward to the next few minutes but stood up and walked over anyway. That feat alone felt like moving a mountain. Eventually the words burbled up, "I'm sorry about what I said." She looked up, confused, and said, "What?" After explaining, she sincerely told me that it was no big deal. Driving home, a few minutes later I felt as though the day had gone from rock bottom to completely worry-free. I was happy. The Spirit asks us to do difficult things - but they're well worth it!